pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
