so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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