I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
