Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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