He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
