I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
