One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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