between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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