what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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