How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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