What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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