Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
