Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
