You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
