We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
