I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
