The beer is more important than you right now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
