Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
