i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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