it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
