She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
