i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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