new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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