i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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