i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
