dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
