Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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