i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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