im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
