All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
