question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
