I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
