He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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