I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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