Who did Billy Mays play for?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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