you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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