Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
