Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
