I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
