That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
