She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
