Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
