Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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