"it" just moved
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
