the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
