i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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