we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
