called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
