i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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