My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
