my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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