Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
