It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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