I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
