I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
