"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
