We won't sleep together?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
