put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
