My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
