eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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