bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
