Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she was so not down for the gang bang
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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