My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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