i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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