Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she told me i tasted like america
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
